“I can’t believe it! He actually did it!” one campaign staffer exclaimed. “It’s taken weeks to prepare for this event. We had to make sure and remove any distractions, such as heads of hair, or shiny objects from the stage. We surrounded him with teleprompters which included colorful pictures. He practiced reading the speech 1,200 times. We’ve been pumping him full of various drugs for 3 days to keep him more lucid. All our hard work paid off!”
“This is an inspiring story of bravery and strength in the face of senility,” said NBC anchor Chuck Todd. “If Biden did this, imagine what he can do for this country!” Todd said through tears of joy.